The multicultural/multiethnic church dilutes culture. Or at least that is what I am hearing. I guess that is quite possible if you allow it to happen, right? I could theorize for 800 words and tell you why I think this claim is shortsighted, but instead I will share my own story of cultural acceptance within the context of a multicultural church.
For decades, many African-American women have been getting their hair straightened through a chemical process called a Relaxer. At the risk of confusing you with the details of this cultural experience, I will sum it up like this. It’s weird. You basically get your entire hair covered in a mayonnaise-like substance that if left on your head too long can actually make your hair fall right out and leave scabs on your scalp. Pleasant, I know. And even though this sounds like modern day torture, scores of African-American women pay lots of good money and spend much of their precious time getting this process done to their hair.
I got my first Relaxer at the age of seven. And it was actually something that I was looking forward to. I have memories of asking my mother when I might be old enough to get this done to my hair. When I reached the age of seven, it was time! And I was excited! Excited to experience this important right of passage in my becoming a Black “woman”. And from the age of seven until 2009 I continued to have this done to my hair.
So what does it mean to “grow out” a Relaxer anyway? Again, without losing you in the details, because your hair is chemically straightened, you need to let it go for a period of time (“grow it out”) without adding any additional chemical to it. The hardest part about this grow-out was that your hair actually looks kind of jacked-up during the process. Hence, I was thankful for both my hat collection and my collection of hair extensions (a topic for another time).
One Sunday morning after about a year of going through the grow out process, I decided it was time to finally see what my hair looked like and actually wear it out in public. Notice that I said this was a Sunday morning? Yup… I decided that the best place to wear out my new hairstyle was at church…on stage…in front of 2000 people. Still not quite sure what I was thinking when I made THAT decision, but it was time. The reality was that because I had straightened my hair for so long, I had no idea what to even do with my natural curly hair.
I arrived at church, and greeted my team with hugs and smiles. And the strangest thing happened. No one said a word! You know that uncomfortable feeling when you’ve made a change and nobody appears to notice and you wonder if they are trying not to bust out laughing? Yeah…that’s what I was feeling that morning.
I walked out on stage when the service began and was overcome with so many emotions. By this time, several people had made mention about my hair and how they loved it. I was so self-conscious and unsure of myself. I was so uncomfortable! I wanted a hat! I wanted my hair extensions! I wanted everything that gave me the perceived control to create a strong and confident female identity. What’s the big deal, its just hair, right? What I didn’t realize is that a simple decision to “go natural” with my hair would lead me to a place of self-discovery and reveal deep seated cultural issues within my own life.
The reason that I am taking the time to share this story with you is because it was within the community of a multicultural church in which I could feel the freedom to make a decision about changing my hair that was truly…well…ethnic. Never before had I felt like I could express myself that way with my hair and have it be “okay”. The multicultural/multiethnic community of believers allowed me to feel even more comfortable than if I were in a unicultural/monoethnic community of people. The love, support, and encouragement were incredible. I remember having conversations that day at church with White women who said things like “I wish my hair would do that!” I had conversations with Black women who said things like “I’ve been thinking about going natural too. Maybe I could try it.” And, I had my brothers, of all ethnicities, asking questions and asking if they could touch it J THIS is one of the plethora of reasons why I love the multicultural church that I get to be a part of. A place where my culture and ethnicity is not diluted, but celebrated, encouraged, and leveraged for the Kingdom of God.
23 Comments
Thanks for sharing your story, Nikki…and the beauty of what can happen in a caring diverse community of believers. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom…
Nikki, you shared how alot of us AA women think all the time when we transition from “Relaxed to Natural” hair. I can completely relate even been natural now, I sometimes wear it straight just because that is the look that makes me more comfortable. Thanks for speaking for us
When we make ourselves vulnerable before God…that’s when He does awesome things in and through us! Thank you for being a bridge builder and for seeing experiences like this in a way that brings the world together. God bless you, Nikki. You are awesome! :)
Thanks friends :)
@May… it is a HUGE issue. And oddly enough, it was within the safety and context of diversity that I felt most comfortable to try it and experiment :) God is good!
It was in 1997 when I had all the “chemical” cut out that I found the natural curly hair I never knew I was blessed with. Just the other day someone ask me was my hair naturally curly. Wow! a wonderful feeling came over me to be able to say YES.
That is awesome! What a wonderful and free feeling.
As a mom of 2 beautiful interracial girls who did not get blessed with “good hair” we have struggled through this as well. From relaxers, braids, keratin, a cabinet full of lotions and products, and I even shaved off the hair of one daughter when she was 2 and she looked like a boy! So their journey continues. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Michelle, I appreciate how you love your girls and affirm them for who they are and how they look. Curly hair and all! They will thank you for it, trust me :) Thanks for taking the time to read :)
Just another reason I love our multicultural church! I still put the “mayo” in my hair and its OK! Nobody cares when I stand next to my sisters who don’t use the “mayo.” Frankly. I like theirs and I like mine. Its good to have variety!
Ha! Anna, yes, the Mayo! :)
Ahhh, the great hair debate! Love this topic and LOVE that you chose our multicultural church to truly explore and expose your “roots.” I remember the horror family and friends felt when I decided to cut off all my relaxed hair and grow locs–I actually had to give them a year’s warning! That was 12 years ago. And now that my hair is an “acceptable” length, I’m thinking of cutting it off again and just going with a curly ‘fro. So far, friends have said everything from: “You never want to work in corporate again, right?” to “Cool!” Guess which ethnicity said which…LOL! GREAT article, Nikki!
Monica! Thank you for your comment. Yeah… my grandmother still doesn’t quite know what to do with it :) She thinks it’s “cute”… but I think she would like me to go straight again.
Very interesting Nikki. I recently went from the creamy crack to natural and it has been so liberating. However, the changes that I went through to get to the point of accepting the natrual look was a process in and of itself. The unveiling, if you will, often times initially leave you wondering, did I do the right thing? Especially when you start to get those looks. I can honestly say I really love the freedom that this natural experience is allowing me. Being a part of Bridgeway makes it all the more better because I can look around and see lots of people like me celebrating freedom.
Rebecca, thank you for sharing that. I had a similar experience. I felt so vulnerable for about 3 months! I didn’t feel pretty at first or attractive. Wondered if I should have just kept it to myself :) But now, I love it. I was told that I would fee free-er and I was like “whatever” :) But my friends were right. Thanks for taking the time to read and post.
Thank you for sharing this story. I was actually inspired from a co-worker and plus my scalp started to get really sensitive to the perm. So when I was pregnant with our second son, I decided that I would stop perming my hair. That was March 2008, and it was truly an adventure.
I did not do the “big chop” and working with two different texture hair was very challenging. In addition, I started have anxiety after anxiety at work and around family about my decision. I wanted to go back to my comfort zone of what I knew. So I damaged my hair even more, by blow drying my hair consistently to try to get the “straight look” . Well by 2009-2010, my hair started to fall out in the middle. Trust me tears did not stop coming and I was tempted to go back to the relaxer.
My cousin had moved in the area in 2010 and she started to do my hair in small 2 strand twists. When she did my hair, I would keep them in for about a month to 6weeks. She did this for me about 3-4 times and in 2011, my hair had grown in. I started to educate myself about my hair, thank you Youtube.
I appreciate you writing this article, because Bridgeway encourages people without even speaking to us individually at times. At times when I was frustrated with my hair, coming to Bridgeway gave me hope and inspiration from all hair aspects to still embrace and enjoy my hair and experience the love and support provided. Thank you Nikki again, I get goosebumps whenever I hear you sing and to see your natural hair at Bridgeway brought tears to my eyes. Tears of joy that we need to realize that we are so much more than our hair, clothing, work. God will continue to use us and you are living proof.
Tamara… wow… thank you for your comments. I know what that is like!
One of the coolest things about doing this big reveal at Bridgeway was to hear affirmation, particularly from my Caucasian brothers! How wonderfully affirming they were to me. They asked questions, they smiled. It was beautiful. Just another way that a diverse environment can redeem so much of a “weird” past. Blessings, N
Never mind the hair… Nicky, you LOOK AMAZING! In fact, I almost missed you when you turned sideways last Sunday. Keep up the great work and just be your loving-singing-praising-worshiping-praying-laughing-naturally curly self that we all love.
Wow! Thanks, Michelle :)
Beautiful! I remember the Sunday that I saw your hair after not seeing it for a while and I wondered, why was see hiding it for so long? Now I know… lol! I loved it.
Ha ha… thanks for the love, Lana :) And thanks for taking the time to read the article.
How wonderful it is to be able to celebrate who we are in Christ…even pertainig to our hair!
Nikki, I thought your article was funny and touching. Though I am not African American, I can relate since I am Puerto Rican and we are a combination of Spaniard, Indian and African American, so our hair can look like hair you see on Asians, Spaniards or Africans. That said, I do relax my hair about 3 times year and can just blow dry it straight, but don’t let me get caught in the rain without an umbrella because my hair goes from straight to super curly/semi-afro! I visited Bridgeway for the first time 2 weeks ago and loved it. Felt wonderful from the moment I walked in and heard the worship music. I’ve attended a church in AA county for about 10 years but am in search of a new home church. My background is in NYC and though I’ve been in MD for about 23 years now, while in NY, I attended the Brooklyn Tabernacle and was also part of the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. I still miss those days of being in an Non-denominational, multi-cultural church, and I know that’s why I felt so comfortable at Bridgeway. Going back this Sunday at 10 a.m. and also just heard about your Latin Night (it was sent to my daughter’s facebook page)…plan to attend that too! Look forward to meeting you as well! Don’t know you yet but you’ve blessed me so much already!
Hey Jenn!
Thanks for taking the time to read the article :) I look forward to meeting you too! I will be there this Sunday as well as at Latin night.